How Are You??

                “You have a beautiful smile”, they say. Yes indeed, she thought, “I do have a beautiful smile, but you could never go beyond that.” You walk, you work, you talk, you laugh and you dance and they praise. And then you retire to the little corner of the world and you feel. You feel what you want to feel and not what others want you to feel. You stare into nothingness and still you see visuals of what never happened and what never will. You wait while the plethora of thoughts pull you down.

                You think of everything that you want to forget and then you fight to bring yourself to reality. An eerie silence spreads and it lunges you into nothingness. The dark suddenly seems more attractive and the noise levels within you far surpass the noise of the crowd and the blaring music in your ears. You walk and never want the path to end .The night is your savior. With dried eyes you walk. A thought of going back seems too distant. “You have to go back “, the mind says, “They will be looking for you.”

                “They, my heart says, “Yes they will be concerned. Yes they will look for me. But they will never find me. I am far away from where they are looking for me. In the darkness, hiding in the remotest corner. In a place that is unreachable. In a place that is secluded. In a place only I can see and sometimes I miss it too. They will never look in the corners, I know. They will walk the streets and return. I could take them there but they won’t come. Because they only want to show they looked for me, they don’t really want to find me. I stay here all alone looking into the night. The memories lashing at me every second. The flicker of the future getting fainter with every minute. Void is what seems to be overpowering me. I do not want to fall. I want to rise and yet the chains are too strong to be broken. They restrain me. The thoughts are mine. The memories are mine. They only praise the smile. A good human being they call me.” Being is what seems to be going away from me.”

                The wait in the darkness seems endless. Who do I wait for? I wanted to go away from them. I wanted to run into oblivion. I wanted to lose the plasticity. I wanted to be me. I wanted to feel. Loneliness attracted me. I could cry and shout and scream. Let it all out and yet I wait .I could easily walk back and yet I don’t. I sit there waiting. I wait and I wait and I wait for one single voice to come and ask me, “How are you?”