When it's not Perfect!!!

                Some days he called, some days he did not. Did not make a difference to her. Some days he came home and some days he stayed out, never mattered. Some days he made love to her and on others he didn’t, did not make a difference either. He adored her, praised her and drooled over her. He wanted her to be happy always. He wanted to see her beautiful face the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. She was the apple of his eye. He loved her. But all this never mattered to her because she did not. She had been trying for a year but she could not make herself love him back. She was a dutiful wife in bed and otherwise. She always made it a point to smile when he expected her to. She took care of him and his family. They were all very happy with her. But she was not happy.

She did not love him.

She had already loved and lost.

Yes, she had married him of her own will. Yes, she had said I do at the altar. But she had not wanted to. For years she had dreamt for a home with someone else. A beautiful house facing the sea, trips to exotic foreign locations, arguments over a baby girl and boy and their names. They had planned it all. Life seemed perfect and fulfilling. What could be better, she had thought at the moment. They had been very happy, occasionally fighting and then making up to love each other more. The bond had grown over time, the love had gone deeper. Life was nothing without him. She could not bear not to meet him even for a day. On days when he was caught up with work, she would get anxious and wait for him to call her. She never got angry when he was frustrated with her, she never let him slip out of her mind even for a minute. There never passed a second when her love for him did not grow. He loved her equally. They were perfect. They were happy. They were the best for each other. No force they thought, could let them apart. They yearned to spend their nights in each other’s arms and their mornings looking at each other. It was now time, they thought for their dreams to come true.

That was when they decided to get married and their lives changed. Changed for the bad.

The families did not agree. They did not let them get married. They made her marry a boy of their choice. Who the boy was, did not matter to her, she only affirmed their decision. Life wasn’t the same since them. She no longer dreamt but only had nightmares. She stopped looking at magazines and movies because those foreign locations reminded her of him. She moved to a new city because his fragrance lingered in the air. Every time her husband touched her, she closed her eyes and could only feel him nibbling on her tender lips. She tried to fall out of love with him but fell in deeper. She tried to love her husband but failed. She was a soulless body now. She had understood that she was now incapable of loving and giving, of being happy ever again. Despite having everything that a person wants, a prospering career, a loving husband and a caring family, she was unhappy. Every attempt at resurrecting het life had failed. And now, after a year post marriage they wanted her to have a baby. She could just not let go of this dream of her. The little baby she had always dreamt of had his brown eyes and his smile. That is when she knew she could not do it anymore. Love can never be lost. Only wrapped in a box and tucked away. But what if the love was bigger than the box. She was living a meaningless life and there was no way to add meaning to it.

As she stepped over the terrace wall and the cool breeze hit her, her nostrils were filled with his fragrance, her eyes could picture their happy faces, she was saying I do and the groom was him. Her last thoughts were

“In you I found love and in you I found life

Without you there is none.”